It was so long ago when I thought I'd never meet someone like you. 
Wrong was I, thinking I'm in control
Believing I'd never fall.

All my life I thought no one would
melt a heart like mine, a heart so cold,
a heart hardened by the past,
protected by shields so vast.

Slowly I was falling
without even knowing.
Only to find out too late
I have no choice but to accept my fate.

I could dream, I suppose
forever, I could hope
there will never be any 'us', that's our destiny
so I wake up to reality.

I lied when I said
I didn't love you,
that my feelings for you
are through.

I lied
not because I wanted to
but because I love you
and I still do.

I wouldn't do a thing to hurt you
but I just have to let go.
I can't hold on much longer

'coz for us there's no forever.

quoted from http://poemthinkingofyou.blogspot.com/

broken home

istilah ini sungguh tidak asing lagi. sejak masih kecil, remaja, sampai sekarang (hampir) dewasa, rasanya makin banyak teman (atau mungkin saya) yang terkena issue "broken home". secara harafiah, "broken home" berarti "keadaan rumah rusak", atau secara lebih "modern by stephanie's mind" dapat diartikan : "keadaan dimana rumah tak lagi sebagaimana rumah seharusnya". dalam arti, jika selama ini rumah diartikan sebagai tempat yang seharusnya paling aman, nyaman, menyenangkan dan darinya kita beroleh kedamaian dari orang-orang yang terikat secara batin disebut "keluarga", situasi "broken home" membuatnya doesnt seem as it used to be. kondisi ini should be something common, kapanpun, dimanapun. tidak ada orang yang ingin keluarganya berantakan, tidak ada orang yang memilih untuk hidup tidak bahagia, tidak ada orang yang sanggup memilih dari pasangan bagaimana dia akan dilahirkan, tidak ada orang yang mengimpikan hidup dengan single parents dan memang TIDAK ADA HAL DI DUNIA INI YANG SENANTIASA BERJALAN SESUAI YANG KITA IMPIKAN, BUKAN? 

satu-satunya hal yang mengganggu pikiranku adalah stigma masyarakat tentang "broken home" itu sendiri.  mengapa sebagian masyarakat harus menilainya secara skeptis? seolah-olah menjadi output dari keluarga "broken home" adalah DOSA! tidak adil. unfair. padahal begitu banyak dinamika lain dalam kehidupan kita, yang jauh lebih layak untuk dikategorikan "berdosa". ex: sekumpulan anak2 SMA Rex Mundi yang create sex orgy party, yang kebanyakan dari kalangan keluarga "baik-baik dan berduit" itu. 

orang harusnya lebih belajar bagaimana melihat sebuah masalah dari dua arah. aku menjumpai begitu banyak anak yang mentalnya tertadah dengan sempurna dari kondisi "broken home". aku melihat bagaimana mereka ditempa, jadi jauh lebih kuat dari anak-anak mami kebanyakan. dan kalaupun bisa ditarik survey, pasti anak-anak seperti ini punya naluri "survival of the fittest" jauh lebih tangguh dari anak-anak keluarga adem ayem. orang harusnya lebih membuka mata kalau tidak semua anak-anak brutal, rebel, nakal, wildy, atau apapun itu disebut yang berkonotasi negatif itu, adalah hasil produksi keluarga "broken home". ya memang ada, yang dengan alasan kurang kehangatan, kasih sayang, sehingga runaway ke hal2 yang negatif. but personally for me, that's only their stupid reason to hide their immature mind. bukankah, as Bible said : ”pencobaan – pencobaan yang kamu alami adalah pencobaan biasa, yang tidak melebihi kekuatan manusia. Sebab Allah setia dan karena itu Ia tidak akan membiarkan kamu dicobai melampaui kekuatanmu. Pada waktu kamu dicobai ia akan memberikan kepadamu, jalan keluar, sehingga kamu dapat menanggungnya”. 

so, open your eyes, dont judge if u dont want to be judged. cos we only human. karena, semua masalah kita telah diukur oleh-Nya. bersyukurlah, jika kau mendapatkan yang lebih berat (and i categorized "broken home guys" as a hard one), karena upahmu, lebih besar. 

Air Terjun Pengantin

sekilas mengingatkanku pada film "The Ruins" produksi Hollywood tahun 2007 (kalo nda salah) tentang sekelompok temans yang vacation ke sebuah pulau mistis, dan tiba2 satu per satu mati sampai akhirnya based on the survival of the fittest theory, menyisakan sang pemeran utama saja. Ide tentang ilmu hitam, dukun, memang lumayan menarik untuk diangkat, seperti Tusuk Jailangkung (2002) yang sampai sekarang bagiku, is one of the best Indonesia's horror movie ever made. Namun sekarang originalitas ide horor itu sendiri sedikit "terganggu" dengan fenomena buka-bukaan para pemainnya. bahkan pemain yang well, tak bisa dikatakan muda lagi, Tamara. Memang sebuah daya tarik sendiri, mencerminkan bahwa ternyata budaya kita tidak sekaku "Budaya Timur, as it supposed to be", tapi..apakah memang berpengaruh pada penyampaian velue film itu sendiri??? i dont think so. but still, *entertaining*

18+

oh pak sutradara, usahamu untuk membuat film ini terlihat seperti film Hollywood dengan alur cepat, intrik tak terduga dan "kelainan-kelainan" setiap pemainnya, didnt work! congrats!

PS : tapi kayaknya satu dari pemain ini baru2 Arumi diberitakan sama infotainment officially "minggat" karena merasa di-eksploitasi sama ibunya. well, well, seems like the plots on the movie was too adaptable for the player! 

Astro Boy

Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist named Dr. Tenma. Powered by positive "blue" energy, Astro Boy is endowed with super strength, x-ray vision, unbelievable speed and the ability to fly. Embarking on a journey in search of acceptance, Astro Boy encounters many other colorful characters along the way. Through his adventures, he learns the joys and emotions of being human, and gains the strength to embrace his destiny. Ultimately learning his friends and family are in danger, Astro Boy marshals his awesome super powers and returns to Metro City in a valiant effort to save everything he cares about and to understand what it means to be a hero.

but, it just an "easy come and easy go" movie, isnt it? 

Menculik Miyabi

penonton (apalagi yang pria) pasti tertipu sama film ini, semua pasti membayangkan adegan panas dimana si Miyabi tampil tanpa sehelai benangpun (seperti aktingnya di film-film yang hot itu), tapiii... tak satupun! bahkan Miyabi yang seharusnya jadi center spot film ini, terkesan hanya jadi Cameo sajaaaa... 

wwaahh memang asli ini cuma trik (lagi) dari penjual2 film tanah air, supaya penghasilan meningkat. nyaris tak ada yang bisa dipetik dari film ini (#thinking : lho, memang bukannya tak banyak film indo yang bisa membuat penontonnya at least bisa memetik sesuatu buat dibawa pulang ke rumah, selain umpatan2??). but yaaa, begitulah negara tempat aku dibesarkan...

dan film inipun salah satu film dari sekian banyak film indo, yang sekilas bisa membuatku tertawa, entah menertawakan apa, kelucuan plotnya atau kekonyolan penulisnya, entah... 

3 Idiots

Only my bf knows how much I hate Bollywood movie. usually it takes a really long time, too much song and singing, too cliche plots, and in simpler words : too much bullshit.

But then well, I have to acknowledge that Bollywood is changing!! 

Plot Two idiots Farhan (Madhavan) and Raju (Sharman) sets outs on a journey to find their lost friend and the 3rd idiot Rancho (Aamir).. As the journey starts off, their college life and old memories of their friendship, with a unique free-thinker Rancho who inspired them and changed their lives, are unfolded through flashbacks and followed with some twists and turns...

My Views 3 Idiots looks at our educational system which pressurizes the students and does not allow to chose his destination by his own wish, in a satirical way and brings out some of the flaws in it... On parallel there is a love angle between Rancho and Pia (Kareena)...  

Both humour and emotional quotients are amalgamated in the right proportion. The intermission point offers a twist that is totally out of the blue and keeps you hooked to the movie, with ALMOST 3,5 hours duration! 

Song visualizations were cool... Music was good and well placed with the flow of the narration...
And i think, I am in love with Aamir Khan, he's sssooo cute!!!! really couldnt take my eyes off him! 

So to sum up, Aamir and Hirani has delivered the best Bollywood movie i ever watched (but still have to consider about "My Name is Khan", either) Do yourself a favour by seeing this highly emotional and feel good comic entertainer... it's an A class!

Jennifer's Body

Ya Tuhan, apa yang ada di benak Megan Fox waktu setuju main film ini? Film ini sungguh hanya film remaja sangat biasa saja yang menjual body yahud si Megan Fox. oh Megan Fox, u can be better than this, at least after Transformers.....dan Amanda Seyfried, penampilan geek-mu.... asli gak bangetttt!!!

The Marine 2

hhmm, awalnya sangat exciting karena setting taken somewhere at South East Asia, dan kesan The Marine 1 yang lumayan bagus, but well, it didnt as excited as i thought. Cerita yang kurang berkembang, penokohan yang kurang tepat, apalagi kesan seolah-olah hanya orang bule saja yang bisa jadi hero (terlalu nasionalis mode on). dan bukankah se-barol-barolnya seorang protagonis, he supposed to be only "human"?? jadi seharusnya dia tidak kebal peluru, ledakan, pisau, etc kan? C movie. (waaahhh I am starting to be a truly movie critic person, as a common Indonesian usually be, TIDAK! )

i wish

tiba-tiba aku kehilangan rasa.. setelah kau kembali, semua yang kita alami, yang seharusnya -bagaimanapun- membuat kita lebih kuat hari demi hari, namun ternyata tidak. dari semua ketololanku tentang kita, aku ingin mendapat paling tidak 1 hal yang akan menguatkanku karena menjadi "tolol". 

seperti ter-inspirasi dari kalimat papi minggu kemarin "menurutmu berapa lama cinta bisa bertahan? biasanya cinta bertahan lebih pendek dari yang kau impikan". and that's extremely true. 

aku bukan kehilangan rasaku. aku hanya tak bisa menemukan -paling tidak satu saja- alasan untuk tinggal dan berjuang denganmu. aku harap aku gila. dan quoted from mner buchy, i wish i only have my heart, without my brain. 

Iron Man 2

Robert Downey Jr. makes me love eccentric guy even more! Iron Man2 was rock!

home of the brave

perjuangan untuk pulih dari sebuah penderitaan kadang memang jauh lebih berat daripada penderitaan itu sendiri... 

the time traveler's wife

this is one of my MOST WORTHY TO BE WAITED this year!! after read the awesome novel last year, i was so exciting when i knew that the novel will be turned to a movie. 

Clare has been in love with Henry her entire life. She believes they are destined to be together, even though she never knows when they will be separated: Henry is a time traveler -- cursed with a rare genetic anomaly that causes him to live his life on a shifting timeline, skipping back and forth through his lifespan with no control. Despite the fact that Henry’s travels force them apart with no warning, Clare desperately tries to build a life with her one true love.

After saw the movie, hhmmm... it couldnt satisfy me as the huge fans of the novel, but it almost always happen when you tried to turn a complicated plots to 90-minutes movie, doesnt it?

fireflies in the garden

"Fireflies in the Garden" is a portrait of a family, at once bound together and torn apart by an unexpected tragedy. 

a twist story about how Michael memorized his dark childhood, as his dad raised him on his own massively ego and then survival of the family after the mom, who used to be the only one shepherd, was killed in an accident. and how Michael, amusing Christoper, who claimed himself guilty for the accident, this movie is so inspiring family movie :)

Inglourious Bastards

Quentin Tarantino is a Crazy Basterd!! 


I can't imagine a director whose thirst for blood and violence is greater than Quentin Tarantino's!! 

Brad Pitt as Lt. Aldo Raine leads the Basterds in Nazi occupied France. Their goal - killin' Nazi's. Christoph Waltz as Colonel Hans Landa plays a similar role on the other side. He's know as the "Jew Hunter" and goes about his business as ruthless as no other. The third sub story consists of a young Jewish refugee, Shosanna Dreyfus, who witnesses the slaughter of her family. And she, of course, wishes to plot revenge on the Germans for her devastating lose. There actually is three stories here intertwining and connecting with each other. If you know anything about Tarantino or his films, this is nothing new for him.

War has never been been so fun. The Basterds, are haunting, but at the same time, very funny, at times even hilarious. The dark comedy aspect play a big aspect in this as in many other Tarantino films. The entertainment and hilarity is led by Brad Pitt. I found him extremely funny and entertaining. Even with his crazy accent, he works in this type of film. The film was filled with noteworthy performances.

The story itself, has so many historical inaccuracies to even count, but so what? It isn't meant to be a documentary. Tarantino wanted to have fun with, as should we.  

Great job QuentinTarantino!! 

nail polish

i got new nail polish color, a dark one, as dark as my heart, hahahahhahaha *ALAY*

When I was younger I saw my daddy crying
and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

Well, darling,
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning
when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

You are the only exception. [x4]

You are the only exception. [x4]

And I'm on my way to believing.
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.

YEAH DARLING, BETWEEN ALL OF MY BEYOND ALL THE PLANETS' DREAM, YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION! *starting to so proud of you!*

during april

hhmmm ... I skipped the review of March (well, dejavu actually), because for me individually, inspiration could come hundreds of times a day, but at its lowest point, also could not come at all.ya, i mean it, at all. or it might come, but they weren't in conjunction with a good mood for just typing. well, that's me. but at least, until the end of April, I still love myself as I am, as I created, as I grow, and as I outlined destiny, at least so far.

and now, as fast and too powerful time, April has passed. indeed, I need hours and hours, even just for remind and review what have been passed last month. though indeed, with great regret, I confess, there's not much increased, though not also be said step back. probably just limped, or crawled. 

selain liburan ke bali, oh ya, aku belajar drive sekarang, sedikit sedikit, tapi mudah-mudahan pasti. asyik juga kayaknya liat orang bisa nyetir, jadi kesannya gak manja. gym juga masih, malah ketambahan lanny, jadi lebih bersemangat. apalagi progressnya keliatan, so far udah reduced 7 pounds, plus sedikit otot2 kecil. oh ya, bicara otot, kok jadi ingat cover albumnya si Agnes Monica yang jadul. bisep sama trisepnya asli keren banget! 

hahahahha (pasti si chika senang amit2 karna liat fans-nya di attach di blog kakaknya yang sebenarnya, however, gak cinta produk dalam negeri , but it's ok, tokh juga pleasing my own sister isnt a sin kan?)

oh ya, my youth community was succeed to held "Hiking Competition" dan CCA juga! senang melihat pekerjaan yang diupayakan bersama-sama berjalan sukses. tetap maju in serving HIM, one of the best commitment  i ever made during my lifetime, and never stop thanking for it.

dan... I think I start to reach the highest point of boredom at the office. I needed a new challenge.

dutch course juga postponed, secara.... dia yang kembali benar-benar membuyarkan konsentrasiku.. dan mempengaruhiku, physically and mentally... dan aku benar-benar sakit dengan ini. astaga, mengingatnya saja aku hampir GILA! tapiiiii... menikmati peran sebagai artis yang ciamik merupakan pengalaman unforgettable seumur hidup! 

target bulan depan : lebih pinter nyetir, beresin novel "Lessons in Heartbreak", reduce 4 more pounds, and... hhmmm mungkin mau lebih sabar lagi. live to the fullest. itu saja. 

 

another bali trip

three weeks ago, i went to bali. got many experiences, though however, not really interesting. that's all. as long as I attended one of the most important celebration of my sister's life. it satisfied me enough (in a strange way though). if people said, pictures able to talk more than the words able to do, in this case, i am extremely believe. 

but to be honest, somehow, I wanted a different adventure. perhaps it was also fully my mistake to be a *truly Indonesian* at those moments and prioritized the soul -instead of my mind- made me not able to enjoy what is supposed to be enjoyed ... alaggghhh, liburan aja kok repot! santay kayak di pantay ajaaaaa (asli, sebelumnya aku benci sekali sama term ini, tapi kalo di dengar2 ya lucu juga ) 

cannot wait for next vacation nih! mau yang jauh lebih menantang!!