aahhh.... lama2 muak nih dengan gaya kayak gini...

ku tahu bukan hal yang mudah untuk bersikap profesional terhadap orang yang tidak lagi saling menghargai secara personal, tapi kan ini demi kepentingan orang banyak. demi kepentingan karir juga. sempat terpikir mengajukan opsi ke boss buat cari alternatif lain, karena betapa tidak mengenakkannya saat apresiasi terhadap tanggungjawabmu bergantung pada seberapa cepat orang lain akan mengeksekusi permintaanmu... aaaggghhh!!! tapi aku juga masih punya hati buat bertahan menjadi "klien". hanya saja, aku bukan tipe yang bisa bertahan pada keputusan konyol seperti ini untuk periode waktu yang lama, DEAR!

jadi gak bisa mandiri nih!

something went really wrong.... but I do believe the process for growing me up in HIM should runs in this way... i didnt take a wrong turn. thanks God for all Your mercy and this second chance... 

"People in the normal weight range were judged healthier and more attractive than under or overweight individuals...." (Professor David Perrett, University of St Andrews)

(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8327750.stm)

HORE!!!!  

some people has to be clapped for learning. so do I. I was aware that I am nothing, until now, through a really hard clap. really hard one. the first time of my life i felt silly of myself just by a simple brainstorming. such awkward moment never happenned before. and maybe you were true. that sometimes i was silly. You are not perfect, as you declared steadily, though. but i will do improvement for make myself more qualified. preparing a good self-reflection. at least on you. thanks for being a good scourger. it means a lot.

3 OH 3 - Want

All American Rejects - When The World Comes Down

Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D

Boys Like Girls - Love Drunk

Breaking Benjamin - Dear Agony

Cobra Starship - Hot Mess

Collbie Calliat - Breakthrough

David Archuleta - Christmas from the Heart

David Cook - David Cook

Five For Fighting - Slice

Jay Z - The Blueprint 3

Jordin Sparks - Battlefield

Lady Gaga - Disco Heaven

Little Boots - Hands

Paramore - Brand New Eyes

Pixie Lott - Turn It Up

Shakira - She Wolf

Muse - The Resistance

David Guetta - One Love

yeahhh... hunting result for 2 days full! finally I got you on my playlist! Time for singing!!!!

saking sayangnya aku sama dia, sampai kupikir acap kali ku rela terlihat bodoh di depan orang lain demi terlihat hebat di depan dia, wajar gak sihhhh????

seandainya ada yang bilang gini ke gw, LOL

You can stand there and smile
you can sit there and laugh
but you can’t trick me
I know it’s a mask

you’re trying to lie to me and everyone else
but why is it that you’re lying to yourself?

You can calmly sit there and try to look cool
but I know your emotions

I sit here and cry for you not for me , what you’ve become
I wish you could see
No words could I use to help me explain
what it does to me to see you in pain

You should be there for us, your real friends,
through and through.
You shouldn't talk sh*t about us,
no matter what.
You are supposed to be trustworthy,
not a liar.

You’re not there anymore my dearest friend
You shouldn't hurt us, and me,
and what happens if you do?

I no longer see a friend in you.

lagi tergila2 nih sama lagu iniiiiiiiiiiiii..... always on my playlist everyday! Love you, Alicia!

akhirnya nemu! COOL!

Yesterday, i have learnt my lesson. A lesson worth remembering for my life. 

Friendship can be easily built up, yet it can be easily broken. Friendship with strong foundation can stand challenges and trials. But friendship with a weak foundation, falls upon meeting challenges. Frail. Fragile.

This friendship is worth 2 years. Yet, just by that person's holding her guy too tightly. damn guy could broke a years friendship in a really unexplainable way, easily. As easy as he got her heart. As easy as he trapped her in a stupid love reason. Just with things I insisted that she deserves for something better, and she thought I demanded too much and broke her rights, spoils the whole friendship.

I ever thought that she is the best I ever had, my best comrade in battles ever, but then God taught me that nothing is everlasting in this world, even something called friendship. Actually she WAS. And I felt like such a saturated girl whose keep put my highest expectations to someone who doesnt deserve to get that glory honour. Cos a friendship shouldnot run in this way. TOO MUCH F**KN lies beneath it, and I couldnt handle it longer, as I couldnt pretend that I love someone when I didnt. 

I place too much of my trust on her. All these trust have gone down the drain. Or perhaps treated like shit, flushed down the toilet. In this world, how many friends can i still place my trust fully on?? How many friends are there for me to pour my woes out on??

Thanks for gave me a lot of lesson subject (again), gals. And perhaps I will be healed automatically, as you thought. But you were wrong dear. You just didnt know me well, as you did. Maybe I am the bad side, or maybe you. or maybe him. or maybe them. why should I care? The most important is the friendship is change, from now. It will flow in other downstream. And there're alot of times, when I will not available longer. I dont ask you to understand me, cos I understand myself too well. We are bestfriend no more.

...poignantly....

tiba-tiba

tiba-tiba pingin nulis, setelah hampir seminggu vakum... 

tiba-tiba exciting sekali sama rencana kedatangan si Unyil... bakal kayak apa ya?

tiba-tiba kepikiran si angga, makhluk jelek itu katanya sudah naik kapal MSC sekarang, ditelpon-telpon juga hapenya dah kagak aktip lagi, wwahhh.. so sorry to miss my have-to-say-goodbye time, brother, i do really wish u all the nicest trip cos u deserve for that... angga benar2 teman yang terbaik, meski acap kali juga doi' super duper menyebalkan karena narsisnya dan sok tahunya yang bikin aku pingin nonjok idung bulet itemnya itu *no offense ya bro'* hihihihihihihii, tapi meskipun sempat "diculik" beberapa hari buat dipertemukan oleh rona dengan musuhku, angga tetap membuktikan diri bahwa dia teman yang dapat dibanggakan loyalitasnya... bahwa dia tak akan berpaling sebagaimana rona berpaling... dan tetap berada di pihakku meskipun tak pernah kuminta berpihak pada siapa-siapa, belum lagi komitmennya untuk memperjuangkan yang terbaik buat si cika, u got my two thumbs up ...

tiba-tiba ketemu sama seseorang di dunia maya, yang punya alasan buat mengikuti jejakku ke Langkawi, such a really nice place, mungkin juga bisa ke Indonesia, meski embargo Europe lagi gila-gilaan buat negeri tercintaku ini...

tiba-tiba terpikir buat mengakhiri petualangan dan memikirkan sesuatu yang lebih serius tentang masa depan and maybe I am done with this fucking crap, karena ternyata aku tak bisa se-Numb yang kukira, yang bisa sekarang mengupdate status FB bahwa "aku kangen si A", besoknya jalan sama si B, lusanya bernostalgia sama si C yang kebetulan datang dari jauh, dan secara regularly mengupdate daily activities by phone sama si D, dan dalam hati menyimpan rasa sama si E". Tapi aku belajar tentang pluralisme dengan cara yang berbeda, yang jauh lebih masuk akal dan masih memikirkan bahwa ada beberapa orang yang perasaannya LAYAK AKU JAGA...

tiba-tiba pingin ke Singapore mudah-mudahan rencana bulan depan bisa terwujud... AMIN...

another proof that I should not put friendship above all.... Cos no matter how "good" the reason is, every people has their own alter-ego (I love mine though), but I have no idea how "good" or how "bad" hers... maybe because I dont know her well and I just decided not to take a further step, NUMB... *sigh*